What Is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a therapeutic approach originally developed to treat trauma and PTSD by helping individuals process distressing memories through bilateral stimulation. In couples therapy, EMDR sessions can be adapted to address relationship issues by targeting negative interaction patterns rooted in each partner’s past experiences or attachment injuries, such as those developed from childhood trauma.
Therapists may work with couples individually to process personal trauma symptoms that affect the relationship, or conduct joint sessions where partners take turns processing difficult memories while the other observes supportively. The bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements, taps, or tones) helps partners reprocess painful relationship memories or triggers, leading to decreased emotional reactivity and increased empathy. When emotional triggers are defused through EMDR, couples often experience improved communication, greater emotional intimacy, and healthier conflict resolution as both partners develop a deeper understanding of their own and their partner’s emotional responses.
To learn more about how EMDR for couples can improve your relationship satisfaction, contact the EMDR therapists at Balanced Mind of New York for a free, 15-minute consultation.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy is a type of counseling designed to help partners navigate challenges, improve communication, and strengthen their relationship. It provides a safe and supportive space for couples to explore their feelings, address relationship problems, and develop healthier ways of interacting. A trained and empathic therapist, such as those at Balanced Mind of New York, guides the therapy process using evidence-based techniques to help partners understand each other’s perspectives, manage differences, and rebuild trust when needed. Couples therapy can be beneficial for relationships at any stage, whether addressing specific issues like infidelity or communication breakdowns or simply seeking to enhance emotional intimacy. By fostering open dialogue and problem-solving skills, couples therapy empowers partners to create a more fulfilling and harmonious relationship.
Conjoint EMDR Therapy
Conjoint EMDR therapy, or EMDR for couples, integrates Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) techniques into couples therapy. Originally developed for treatment of past traumas, EMDR helps individuals process traumatic experiences and emotional distress triggers that may be impacting their relationship dynamics. By using guided eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation, EMDR enables partners to reprocess past experiences that contribute to unhealthy patterns, such as attachment wounds, trust issues, or emotional distress and reactivity. When incorporated into couples therapy, EMDR can support deeper healing, allowing both individuals to move forward with a stronger connection and greater relationship satisfaction.
Integrating EMDR Into Other Therapies
EMDR can be effectively integrated as a complementary component within various therapeutic frameworks to enhance treatment outcomes. Couples therapists often combine EMDR techniques with other types of couples therapy. This integration allows therapists to utilize EMDR’s methods to target memories of traumatic events or specific attachment injuries that fuel negative cycles of interaction and conflict between partners. This blended approach is particularly valuable when working with couples presenting both relationship distress and individual trauma histories that impede intimacy. The flexibility of EMDR protocols allows clinicians to customize treatment—sometimes working with partners individually before bringing insights back to conjoint sessions—creating a synergistic effect where trauma processing facilitates deeper emotional connection and accelerates relationship repair.
Imago Relationship Therapy
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a form of couples therapy that focuses on understanding how early childhood experiences and unconscious patterns shape adult relationships. IRT helps partners recognize how their unmet childhood needs influence their relational dynamics, often leading to recurring conflicts. Through structured dialogues and intentional communication, couples learn to see their partner with empathy, fostering deeper connection and healing. The goal of Imago Relationship Therapy is to transform conflict into opportunities for growth, creating a more conscious and loving partnership.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be used in tandem with Imago Relationship Therapy to help individuals process past wounds that may be affecting their relationship. While IRT focuses on relational dynamics and communication, EMDR addresses the deeper emotional triggers and unresolved traumas that contribute to reactive behaviors in a partnership. By integrating EMDR, individuals can reprocess painful memories and reduce emotional reactivity, allowing them to engage more fully in the healing dialogues of IRT. This combination enhances a couple’s ability to connect with greater emotional regulation, empathy, and presence, ultimately fostering a healthier and more loving relationship.
Emotionally Focused Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples focuses on strengthening emotional bonds by helping partners understand and reshape their attachment patterns. EFT is grounded in attachment theory and emphasizes the importance of creating a secure and supportive connection. Through guided conversations and experiential exercises, couples learn to identify negative interaction cycles, express their underlying emotions, and respond to each other with greater empathy and vulnerability. By fostering a secure attachment, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy helps partners move from conflict and disconnection to a more trusting and emotionally fulfilling relationship.
Integrating EMDR into the EFT process works by addressing deep-seated emotional wounds and past traumatic events that interfere with secure attachment in a relationship. While EFT helps couples navigate their emotional responses and strengthen their bond, EMDR works to reprocess unresolved trauma that may trigger fear, avoidance, or reactivity in a relationship. By reducing the emotional intensity of past traumas, EMDR allows individuals to engage more openly and safely in the emotionally corrective experiences that EFT facilitates. Together, these approaches create a powerful synergy, helping couples build emotional safety and improved relationships.
The Eight Phases of the EMDR Couples Protocol
The eight phases of the EMDR couples protocol follow the same core structure as the standard EMDR protocol for individuals but are adapted to address relational dynamics and shared emotional experiences. While individual EMDR focuses on personal trauma and distressing memories, the EMDR couples protocol integrates both partners into the healing process, emphasizing how past wounds influence their interactions and attachment patterns. The Eight Phases are:
Phase 1: History Taking and Treatment Planning Phase
- Therapist gathers relationship history and individual trauma backgrounds
- Determination of which issues would benefit from EMDR reprocessing
- Creation of a treatment plan addressing both individual and relational goals
- Explanation of EMDR process to both partners
Phase 2: Preparation Phase
- Building therapeutic alliance with both partners
- Teaching self-regulation and grounding techniques to each partner
- Creating a safe emotional environment for vulnerability
- Developing the “witnessing partner role” for the observing partner
Phase 3: Assessment Phase
- Selection of target memories or attachment injuries related to relationship distress
- Articulate positive cognitions to replace negative beliefs about self or partner
- Baseline measurements of distress and body sensations
- Creating processing sequence (individual or conjoint)
Phase 4: Desensitization Phase
- One partner (sometimes called the processing partner) processes traumatic memories using bilateral stimulation and continues until distress levels decrease.
- The other partner also completes the step outlined above.
- Partners individually take turns processing their own material.
- The therapist guides processing while maintaining couple safety
Phase 5: Installation Phase
- Strengthening positive beliefs about self, partner, and relationship
- Reinforcing new neural pathways and emotional responses
- Developing shared positive narrative about the relationship
- Installing resources for future relationship challenges
Phase 6: Body Scan Phase
- Checking for residual physical tension related to processed material
- Addressing any remaining bodily distress
- Enhancing somatic awareness between partners
- Developing capacity for physical co-regulation
Phase 7: Closure Phase
- Ensuring emotional stability at the end of each session
- Implementing containment exercises if processing is incomplete
- Providing tools for managing for potential between-session reactions
- Reinforcing connection and support between partners
Phase 8: Reevaluation Phase
- Assessing changes in relationship dynamics and patterns
- Checking previously processed material for complete resolution
- Identifying remaining targets for future processing
- Planning for maintenance of therapeutic gains by developing relationship resilience strategies
Can I Participate in Individual Sessions of EMDR Therapy While Also Participating in Couples Therapy?
Individual EMDR sessions often serve as a crucial complement to couples EMDR therapy by providing a dedicated space for processing deeply personal trauma that may be too intense or private for conjoint couples therapy sessions. Some relationship issues stem from significant unresolved childhood trauma, physical or sexual abuse, or combat experiences, that require focused attention before a partner can fully engage in relationship healing and couples therapy. These individual sessions allow for thorough processing of traumatic memories without the added complexity of managing a partner’s reactions or feeling the need to protect them from disturbing details. Additionally, individual work can augment emotional safety by allowing a person to freely explore their own attachment wounds without concern for how their vulnerability might impact their partner.
Moreover, alternating between individual EMDR treatment and couples EMDR sessions creates a therapeutic rhythm that often accelerates overall healing. In individual therapy sessions, clients can work through personal triggers that specifically contribute to relationship conflicts, gaining insights about their reactive patterns that they can later bring to couples therapy sessions. This approach is particularly beneficial when one partner’s trauma response significantly drives the relationship dysfunction or when power imbalances exist in the relationship. The individual sessions help equalize emotional regulation capacities between partners, preparing both individuals to engage more effectively in the joint EMDR work. Many couples therapists find that this concurrent approach—addressing both individual trauma and relationship dynamics—leads to more sustainable improvements in communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution than either modality alone.
How Do I Pay For EMDR Therapy?
At Balanced Mind of New York, we offer multiple payment options to fit your needs and budget.
In-Network Insurance Provider: Balanced Mind of New York is proud to be an in-network provider for clients covered by Aetna insurance plans.
Out-of-Network Insurance Provider: For all other insurances, we provide superbills for reimbursement. We will contact your insurance company to confirm your eligibility and benefits, including the reimbursement rate for each session. We will also guide you through the process of sending superbills to your insurance.
If you have an out-of-network plan, any reimbursements will be sent directly to you from your insurance provider. Insurance typically reimburses 50-80% of the fee, but note that each policy is different.
Self-Payment Options: If no insurance coverage is available, clients may choose to pay for services out of their own pocket. If you need to pay out of pocket, we offer a sliding scale as part of our commitment to providing affordable care.
We accept Visa, MasterCard, Discover, American Express, and HSA/FSA cards.
To learn more, please contact Balanced Mind of New York.
